Two Days Shy

“There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defense or reserve”

― William S. Burroughs

Thursday marked four weeks that Batman and I have been together. On Sunday, it will be a month. Two days shy of Sunday. I also got my refund on Wednesday so I did a little shopping Thursday that put me in a great mood. And Batman and I went out to a bar later that night with one of his friends. I got drunk for the first time. It was fun. I had a blast and Batman was so sweet, he took great care of me while I was drunk. I think we established that I’m a very light lightweight. I didn’t even finish half of my cup before I was feeling light headed. I had rum and punch. I really like him. Maybe because its only been a few hours since my first drunken experience but all those doubts I had before are gone and I like the direction we’re heading in. I really want this to work. I’m getting attached very quickly. While I was drunk I told him I was scared and I am. I’m scared of how much potential he has to hurt me. It terrifies me. He can break me so easily. Sometimes I wonder if the fear alone will drive me mad. Its like I’m waiting for the eventual pain, like its inevitable that he’ll hurt me. Who the hell said relationships were easy?

“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry