Just when I think I’ve let go, come to terms, coped, an echo of my past trauma proceeds to haunt me to remind me I’m damaged and abnormal.

Something mundane and natural forces me back into a different time, a different place, a different me. That clawing fear becomes a vise around my heart and the panic gets caught in my lungs and they attempt to suffocate me.

My mind becomes a weapon aimed at my soul. My body betrays me and my skin attempts to peel its way off. I become a war zone but who am I fighting?

There is no calm before the storm, no warning, no bright flash of light. Normalcy and then chaos. I become the maelstrom. It eats me alive until I’m hollow. Memories flash like slides on a screen, each one more painful than the last, leaving gouges in my heart.

Make the camera stop. Cease the storm. Take my body, tame my mind.

Make me normal again.


Acceptance vs. Change

I don’t accept this

I don’t accept that this is how I am

How I was meant to be

I will change me

I will mend this broken heart with these clumsy hands

And if I should drop it

Better my hands than yours

Personal · Poetry



He says I do not think for myself

Perhaps he’s right

Perhaps I present to him a blank canvas

To fill with his words, wants, desires, dreams, disappointments

Paint me, make me, shape me, mold me, break me



Love me.



write on this broken skin of mine

these cracked lips

this crooked spine

all of me unfurl at your feet

I’d shake myself out if I could

rest your heavy feet on my thin shoulders

my tears track a river down my cheeks

Is this love?




“Remember me and smile, for it’s better to forget than to remember me and cry.”

― Dr. Seuss

No pain, nor sorrow

Soar from this world on wings white as snow

I wish I could say, goodbye until tomorrow

There’s so much that you will never know


You’ll never know how much we wish you were here

Or how hard we try to not shed a single tear

I think I’ll miss your laugh most of all

And maybe all your Tweety bird pictures on the wall


Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

But I hope you left this world knowing that I love you

But no one loved you as much as your mother

And we know, you’re going to be with your brother


We will never know what new wonders you will see

But from pain and misery, you are free

We will never again look upon your face

But we know, you’re in a better place


You were the big sister I never had

We had a lot memories, both good and bad

The main thing I loved about you, you could never stay mad

You will be missed, more than just a tad.


End Again


Can you hear it?

It’s the sound of all of heaven standing still

holding their breath

As a soul finish it’s journey on Earth

It’s the quiet after a mother has finished wailing

for death of her child

It’s the end of a lineage, the death of a village

It’s the sound of all of Earth standing still

Only to begin again

It’s the sound of a beginning, not an end

It’s the sound of a soul beginning a new journey

It’s the moment in which mourning becomes rejoicing

It’s the breath in which wailing becomes laughter

It’s the sound of a beginning, not an end