Love’s Wilderness

“Why is it that we don’t worry about a compass until we’re lost in a wilderness of our own making?”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

Lost. I always feel lost without a sense of direction. The scariest thing to me about driving is having no idea where you’re going and getting lost on the way there.

I felt stupid last night. I felt like this fantasy that I had was tangible and within reach, only to have it snatched away. I know how Batman feels about marriage. I figured we would cross that bridge when we get there. I didn’t consider that we may never make it to that bridge. He’s graduating in less than 3 months. He may possibly be moving out of state for a job. Where does that leave us?

Where does that leave me? Feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. I love him and I love what we have. But sometime. . . . I feel like I want more. Lingering nostalgia from some of my favorite books and movies, perhaps. But isn’t romance supposed to be a whirlwind affair? I don’t know. We’re more mature now it seems. We’ve. .  settled into a routine. Where’s the passion, the spontaneity?

If we truly end. . . . I don’t know how I’ll feel. Heart-broken, for sure. But. . . . optimistic? I suppose it depends on how we end. Love is always a complicated matter for me. Realistically, I have very few, if any, models of it. I don’t know what love looks like, feels like. I don’t know if I’m even in love.

Here’s to romance.


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