“If you ask me what I want, I’ll tell you. I want everything.”
― Kathy Acker
I’m a few days late in posting this. I thought maybe if I gave it some time, what to write about the whole situation would come to me. It didn’t. I’m winging it, as always.
I did it. I did the unthinkable. I showed up on Garrett’s doorstep unannounced, nervous as hell and fully expecting to get a door slammed in my face. That didn’t happen.
I took a chance and I’m glad I did. Garrett and I talked, I got drunk, and I slept over. Twice. We’re still keeping in touch. I don’t know where we’re going to go from here.
He has no idea what a head trip he gave me. He has no idea how crazy I am about him. The strength of my feelings for him surprise even me. I can’t let him go. I don’t want to let him go.
I don’t know what to say. There’s a plethora of things he said that I’d like to quote on here.
I get angry at myself. I get angry at myself for thinking too much, feeling too much, loving too much. It seems to me like I do everything in excess.
Everyone told me to leave him alone, let it go. I didn’t. I followed my heart. It’s inevitably going to get broken again and a lot worse than the last two times Garrett broke it. And yet I still love him. Sometimes I wonder if love is synonymous with stupid. Either way, for now, I got what I wanted. I have him.