Personal

Something Great

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

I’ll stop dwelling on it. Eventually. 

I often wonder, how do you know someone is the one? I still don’t have an answer. But I feel. . . . . like I lost something. 

Something great. Something wonderful. Something rare. Something. . . .  life-altering.

I miss him. I miss what we had. Apart of me still feels like I didn’t fight hard enough for us. Maybe I’ll always feel like that.

When is enough enough?

He asked me to leave him alone. I thought I could do that. But my mind is still stuck on the fact that he still loves me. I guess sometimes love is truly not enough. Our love should be enough for him to get over his issues. It’s not me, it’s him.

I watched my cousin experience a panic attack. I felt so helpless and despite having experienced a few myself, I didn’t know what to do to comfort her. Her boyfriend did. He calmed her down, somehow, by just being there. I thought back to the countless times Garrett had done the same for me. I felt so. . . . . empty watching the obvious care and affection he had for her. It made me miss what I had. What Garrett and I had. They remind me so much of Garrett and I. It’s.  . .  eerie. I don’t want her where I’m at 9 months later, reminiscing on what she had, what they had.

I’ll stop dwelling on it. Eventually. 

It’s some consolation that Garrett is still in love with me, that the love he has for me is taking just as long as the love I have for him to fade. If it ever does.

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