Personal

Peace

“At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert

I don’t want to blog about Batman anymore. It’s a closed chapter. But I do want to blog about this feeling I have because I don’t think it’ll last. I’m. . . . at peace. Content. After my appointment yesterday, I promptly packed my bags and drove home and slept over at my aunt’s house, my dad’s sister. I hung out and joked around with my cousins. It felt so normal and. . . . relaxing. When I told my counselor that I haven’t seen my niece since her birthday, she stated that I felt disconnected from my family. I guess she was right. I thought I’d be sadder or obsessing over Batman. Maybe it hasn’t hit me yet. Or maybe by being a complete asshole, he insured that that bridge was burned. I feel lighter for some reason. I certainly feel at peace among my family at the moment. Apart of me is relieved that it’s over. Another part wonders, “what next?” And a large part is of the opinion that this feeling won’t last and I’ll soon start missing him. I don’t want that. I don’t want to waste any time or space thinking or crying over him. He most definitely isn’t worth it. I want to enjoy being single for awhile. But. . . I also want Superman too. Not happening. But I kind of sense a shift in our relationship. Maybe it’s because he’s seeing someone else. But I was discussing sex with him and I felt slightly. . . uncomfortable. Almost as if sex isn’t a topic he and I should discuss anymore. That’s weird. It could be just me. But I think we’re becoming friends or at least I’m starting to see him in that light, despite my attraction to him. I guess my brain is wiring itself to accept him as off-limits. That makes more sense. For now, I guess being single isn’t so bad.

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