Personal

Sadness

“The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see–the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived.”

― Katie McGarry

I want to give Batman and I some space, some time apart. But. . . . I have been down so frequently lately and I need. . . .  something. Him. A drink. A destination. I’m split between driving somewhere really fast with the music blasting or having a drink. After my last drunken experience, I’m leaning more towards driving somewhere really fast. Just the feeling of out running or out driving my thoughts improves my mood. Laying with Batman’s arms around me improves my mood too. He’s come to represent safety and comfort for me. I can’t lose that. I don’t want to but I feel such distance between us. . . . I feel like I’ve lost something but I don’t know what. How can you feel so damn sad and not know what’s causing your sadness? Is this what depression is? If so, it sucks. I just want to run far away from this feeling. I’m crying and I don’t know what I’m crying about. My counseling appointment is tomorrow and I might have to cancel it because I have to get the tag on my car renewed. When will I have time to do something for me? To help me get better? I can’t keep feeling like this.

Advertisements

One thought on “Sadness

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s