Personal

Dumb Decisions

“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
―L.M. Montgomery

I don’t know where to start. Today and last night have been somewhat of an emotional low for me. I got drunk last night with Superman. It was not the wisest decision on my part. I had a math test that I didn’t prepare for this morning. I started crying in middle of having sex with him. It was humiliating and unexpected. I didn’t cry while having sex with Kid but if I were being honest, he wasn’t all that good at it. I kind of expected Superman to be just as bad, and to be able to cease contact with him just as easily. I was so not thinking clearly. He wasn’t terrible. If I hadn’t broken down then I probably would have enjoyed it. As it were, everything was put to a stop and I asked him to leave. And then I did something even dumber. While sobbing, I called Batman and he offered to let me come over and comfort me. Shortly after Superman left, I went to Batman’s place, downed another drink, and fell asleep while snuggled up to my ex. I seem to be on a streak with making unwise decisions. And today I nearly broke down in tears while taking my math test. Who did I call afterwards? If you guessed Batman then you’re correct. When I’m in need or when I’m an emotional wreck, he’s my go-to person. I know its unhealthy and pretty fucking pathetic. Whoever said your exes are like a bad habit that you can’t seem to kick, they know what they’re talking about. I feel terrible and I have been completely forthright with Superman. He said he’s willing to wait till I’m ready for more. I don’t know when that will be or if I want to open myself up to another person and be vulnerable with them. Look how it turned out when I did that shit with Batman. Clusterfuck is the word that comes to mind. Or mindfuck. Either way, its a mess and I’m still picking up the pieces of myself.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s