Personal

Heart & Home

“What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone.”

― Amanda Grace

I’m such a big baby. I think the last time that I cried on my grandmother’s shoulder was when I was going through the legal stuff concerning my abuse. Well, last night I cried like a baby while clutching my grandmother’s waist. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming and I wasn’t sure what I was crying about, my past abuse or Batman. They say home is where the heart is. I guess last night I needed to go home to help mine mend. I needed that cry, I needed my grandmother to hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I guess somethings you never outgrow. I’m almost 20 years old and when I’m going through something emotionally overwhelming, my first instinct is to go home. Home is where I feel safe, protected, hidden. And it’s not a place. Home is wherever my grandmother is. Batman and I are still talking. He’s completely ignorant of how his words devastated me. I don’t plan to tell him. I think I’ve opened up enough to him, and look how well that turned out. I don’t know what I plan to do. I’m not sure staying in this relationship is the right or healthy thing to do. But it is the easiest, the less painful thing to do. Guess I’m a glutton for punishment, huh?

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