Personal

Dear Me

Its Halloween. I think my previous post already covered that but I went back and read the posts I made in October of 2014. I was in a bad state and I’ve seen a fellow blogger already do this but I kind of want to do it now. I’m going to write a letter to the me in October of 2014 because wow, things have changed. For the better I think.

Dear Malia in October 2014,

You wrote about death, love, balance, déjà vu, heart break, etc. There is so much I want to touch on. That hasn’t changed, we still have a hard time organizing our thoughts. There is a new guy in our life. He’s not like the one we were dating then and I think that is a good thing. I would like to think we’re more mature now. You’re going to fall in love with your niece and not give a damn who her father is because that is your blood. You will find balance, I think. The good right now is certainly outweighing the bad. You still won’t understand guys and the whole issue with Ebola and the detectives will blow over. Basically, everything you’re experience now, you will barely be able to remember in October 2015. Life will get better and you’ll be pretty damn glad, relieved, that you stuck it out and got to experience the good parts after the bad has ended. There is so much I want to say to you but I think you already know it, we’re only a year apart; we haven’t changed that much. I’m sorry but we won’t ever stop mourning the child we used to be. If only I could write a letter to her and warn her of the shit she is about to go through but I’m tearing up already and I would never be able to finish that damn letter. You’re gong to enjoy the freedom college gives you and you probably won’t believe me but you’re going to miss our family like hell; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yes, you will even miss our grandmother’s fussing. When I heard her fussing on the phone to our aunt, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry; I missed her that much. I think I covered nearly everything. Happy Halloween of 2014, from Malia in 2015.

P.S. Despite being more mature now, we still become emotionally numb sometimes and just need to shut the world out. I hope we do it less often in the future but we’re still emotionally vulnerable individuals. Oh, and to some of those questions you had then, you still won’t get an answer to them. I guess more time has to pass.

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