“Many people pray to be kept out of unexpected problems. Some people pray to be able to confront and overcome them.”
— Toba Beta
I don’t know what to feel or how to react. It seems like things can never settle down here or become normal. There is always some drama or tragedy lurking around the corner. Today I was awoken to chaos. My little sister was rushing to get dressed and to dress her daughter. My grandmother was rushing to put some clothes on while mumbling under her breath. Meanwhile two detectives and a representative from child protective services stood aside waiting for my grandmother, sister, and niece. Smirking. My grandmother studiously refused to tell me where she and my sister were going or what the detectives were doing outside along with the lady from child protective services. They’ve been gone for at least an hour now and I’m wondering if I should expect the worst and give up any hope of ever seeing my sister and niece again. My mom fears that they will be given over to the state and that they will eventually be separated. My niece may grow up without knowing her mom. I thought the past was behind us but it seems like it keeps resurfacing. I don’t want my sister and niece to suffer on account of my actions. I did the right thing coming out five years ago. But did I do the right thing covering for my mom and her boyfriend by recanting my accusations? Would we all have been better off if I hadn’t told my mother’s lie and let her boyfriend rot in jail for what he did to us? I don’t know. I guess I don’t know much of anything anymore.
“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”
— Chili Davis
Happy April’s Fools Day! I had originally planned to write this post last night but I was too tired to do so. So here I am. The title is less than 20 because the seniors at my school, which includes me, have less than 20 days left before our last day of high school. Therefore it comes as a shock to me to discover that several other seniors at my school got expelled this week. One of them was our senior class president and had gotten accepted into the University of Southern California. They got expelled for possession of drugs. One of the student’s parents was crying in the office. You have less than 20 days left of high school and you decide to throw away your future for drugs? Marijuana? That makes little sense to me. If only I could get accepted into USC. . . . I certainly wouldn’t come to school reeking of marijuana. But what I really wanted to write about last night was the most daring thing I have ever done: ride on the back of a motorcycle. I thought it would be terrifying and life threatening (it is to some extent) but I was surprised at myself for my willingness to do it. I had grown up in ways that I hadn’t realized. I rode a motorcycle last night! And afterwards I couldn’t wait to do it again. It was fun. Really fun. I see why most guys want to own a motorcycle. It certainly revved my engine last night. Which of course I didn’t mention to my driver, my cousin’s ex-wife’s cousin. Its very complicated but he is like my best friend. And before last night I never considered before how easy the line between friendship and something more can be crossed. Fortunately I didn’t cross it but. . . . motorcycles. Does dangerous things to you.